I need to apologize.
I’ve dove right into the deep thoughts feelings and internal internet world of myself but have never really given an overview of who I am… what I am… why I am here.
I’ll make this as quick and painless as possible. But let me just say that it’s not very possible or accurate to describe yourself via your blog to an audience you will probably never meet and just put this explanation in words with no voice… no vision… no contact. So I will do the best I can, in simple terms.
My name is Amanda. Yes, I am female. I live in Minnesota, the good ole Midwest, MinneSNOWta. I probably talk with an accent but sometimes my family jokes with me that I sound like I grew up in the South. I may have lived my whole life by the Twin Cities but I’ve always longed for middle of nowhere, farm life, isolated and deserted, deep in the wilderness and heart of mother nature, … since as long as I can remember. Not everyone would guess that about me now, I am a product of my environment, I’ve grown to like feeling girly from time to time. I enjoy the convenience of everything I need at my fingertips. It feels nice to self indulge when you can. I’m intrigued by the fast pace of a city life but I’ve always stuck to the outside suburbs to call home. I enjoy visiting large cities of the world just as much as I enjoy the opposite but my deep desire and urning to travel comes from an entirely different source. My mom instilled a deep routed need to escape – for freedom and for exploration – when I was a young kid. Ever since then it’s been a very difficult thing to manage and control, taking over full force at my first taste of complete independence in College, traveling at every chance. Now, however, I’ve had to adapt to responsibility and adult hood of a 24 year old taking control of her life.
I’ve never been on a set path in life, but I’ve always aspired one. My distraction into everything the world has to offer and all the different things to learn about never guided me or let me pursue a set path. From the time of grade school until now I’ve probably aspired to be at least 15 different professions and paths in life, none of which have played out. Some would say that is a good thing, good to have many goals and dreams and ambitions, which I would slightly agree but I also feel its much like a roller coaster of stress and an endless circle of always ending up where you started. I’m proud to have an interest in so many different things and feel so strongly about all of them, but my constant passion and endless ability to stumble across new things I feel strongly about and have to add in my circle, is really just quite exhausting in the end. That’s why I need this time. That’s why I need my solitude and probably why I’ve been designed to still continuously seek that out and plan “alone time” into my schedule. I almost feel like it was of animalistic and evolutionary design that I felt and thought so strongly of it when I was younger as if to stock pile it up for later use when I was an adult engulfed in this world with no way out. Survival technique.
In case you are a more technical reader in understanding another: My favorite color is green. My favorite number is 7, used to be 13 – I am not superstitious but just the opposite with this number, and I am oddly addicted to numbers (maybe OCD) about orders and numbers applying to life events and decisions and relations to astrology or numerology and have a strange talent for remembering numbers associated to things/dates/birthdays/events. My favorite animal is a horse, since forever. I used to take lessons and go to horse camp. (escape) I’m very nostalgic in my thinking and I hate it and have been channeling it. I believe in evolution completely. I am a science lover. I love astrology. I am not religious and refuse to be controlled by anything of that nature. I am spiritual. I love to learn. I have two Bachelor’s degrees, one in Psychology and one in Biology. I would love to go back for my Master’s. I desire true love and happiness. I am obsessed with traveling and experience new cultures and life; I have been to England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Turkey, Italy, Greece, Mexico, Bahamas, South Padre and probably half of the United States, but ironically never Canada – right above me. I am creepily obsessed with end of the world scenarios that are realistic to me in movies and tv shows, which is why I am obsessed with The Walking Dead and have endless zombie apocalyptic dreams. My phobias are Centipedes, the dark, and a deep fear of anyone touching or things associated to my neck/chocking/dying, and a fear of being chased/kidnapped/taken/found. I am a deep detailed dreamer (in color) and have very imaginative dreams all the time that could be a separate book themselves. I love sports, played soccer for 15 years at least, and LOVE to watch football. I like to drink and socialize like other 24 year olds my age. I like to party but I equally or more so love to stay home and cozy up. I love camping or anything outdoors that is not in the winter. Ironically, I hate the cold and the winter and always dream of being on a beach somewhere and have to combat in pure survival mode during our always like 8 months of damn winter. I am a spitfire, a fiery redhead underneath it all (blonde) full of passion and even sometimes rage. My dad always told me growing up that I should just be a prosecuting attorney. I’ve always felt the best way to depict myself to others would be the equivalent of Julia Roberts in the Erin Brockovich movie. And I love Julia Roberts. I love cats, animals, pets, all of it! I deeply wish I could own a rescue center for exotic animals. I own two Bengal cats, an exotic species in the state of MN and required to be bought by a licensed breeder. (Domesticated tabby cat bred with a Wild Asian Leopard – mine are about 15% leopard or wild) I love working out, trying new things, eating food of all sorts especially Mexican and Italian however at the same time I like to be gluten conscious and carb conscious as it helps my digestion and my figure. I work in the Wellness World and highly represent all that is Chiropractic care and adjustments, Massage Therapy and Nutrition and Exercise. I love muscle cars, I love hanging out with “the guys”. I love sleep. I love tequilla. I love music, all kinds of it: on the radio, pop, country, rap, rock, 80s rock, classic rock, 90s straight up music, all of it. Love music. I love holidays and birthdays and being romantic. I have had insanely curly hair that I’ve had depicted in tons of different ways and styles ever since I went through puberty and am pretty much known for my hair attributes all of my life. I’ve always struggled with self image and esteem, it can be argued as to whether i always should have or not, and I’ve never felt better about both as I do right now in my life. It’s still a huge struggle but I know myself better now and how to “handle” and channel myself where I need to be. I am 100% not a lesbian but I think woman are beautiful and am completely comfortable with my thoughts on that and sexuality. I want a non religious outdoor wedding someday that is centered-around love and nothing else. I am emotional. I always feel I think about things that no one else in the world does. I always think I am different and my thoughts on that can go both ways. I love routine but I also love change. I love getting rid of things, that is my favorite thing related to how many times I have moved in my life. I like to clean, especially when I’m in a “mood”. I have three tattoos and wouldn’t mind a few more. I have been skydiving and loved it. I love extreme things and adrenaline rushes. I like a good bad boy with an undercover heart of gold. This has been one of my favorite years so far and full of change and leaps. My past is huge and complicated and I don’t like to say that I have been through and now understand quite a lot. We will save the past for another day. Let’s stick to the present, a battle I’ve been trying to stick to forever.
I love to write and talk deeply and will be touching more into my soul from time to time as it is just part of my nature to want to share and document.